And so I think just being sensitized to that and like reading a lot of books about how treatment is happening in different areas, I talked to a woman who is working with the tribal police, and also is a therapist for tribal and she said, you know, the thing is, you might have an appointment at nine o’clock, but they can’t get there from the reservation or wherever they are until somebody that has a truck is going to town. But it also unlocked a lot of historical trauma that I didn’t even know I had. Well, every situation can be complex in a slightly different way. Therapy Mastermind Series, a joint class with Diane Poole-Heller. We know I think everybody listening knows that trauma results in well, if you look at it from an autonomic nervous system perspective, you can have the sympathetic nervous system to on and you end up with anger or rage outbursts or panic attacks and we think of panic attacks as a thwarted flight response. These are simple things. They had different gender identities there. Diane developed her own signature series on Adult Attachment called DARe (Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning experience) also known as SATe (Somatic Attachment Training experience). It’s like we’re working with really heavy stuff and meeting people in really dark places and staying present. How you see the role of being able to achieve secure attachment functioning in a person’s life. But I don’t think it’s the same as 3D. Well, I learned so much from my clients, as we all do. Attached - Levine & Heller . I think people are going out a little bit more and that could change by the time this is aired, maybe people will be out even more. And I think I’d like to stack all the cards I can in that person’s favor or that couples favor that families favor. So, for instance, one of the things that gets challenged, especially when we’re busy and double career families, and all that is comings and goings, I had a couple that I worked with in Denmark many years ago now. But I realized that’s not appropriate, most important thing I can do now besides study, and become aware, which I think is important, and have conversations that aren’t so comfortable that I appreciate when those happen actually is just trying to let my heart guide and let my eye keep collecting awareness. Powerful Tools. In today’s episode, we are truly honored to be joined by an influential researcher, an established expert in the field of Adult Attachment Theory and Models, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques, Dr. Diane Poole Heller. I mean, he was at the time as a client, he was probably 45. So, one of the things is really helping people learn how to play together. With Sounds True, she has published The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. She has assisted more than 40 trainings worldwide and now teaches Diane Poole Heller's pioneering work DARe, (Dynamic Attachment Re-Patterning Experience). Same here. Living in a world knowing the real threat of a global virus that has claimed thousands of lives is horrifying. And so just I mean, you know, we could list them there, it’s just in our face in such a strong way. And, really, as an educator, it’s always impactful for me to see certain educators out there getting a message out that so many people on this planet needs to hear and I think the message about how to attach in a healthy way and what happens when we don’t? Dr. Poole Hellerâs Background and Interest in Attachment and Trauma – 03:43 ... Dr. Diane Poole Heller. Educator and author Diane Poole Heller and John Howard discuss ways to apply attachment theory in your relationships for more fulfillment and intimacy. Yeah. I’m also having a lot of sorrow happening because I think I’m tapping into the collective trauma a lot. Other research says very little of it’s coming up so I just figure split the difference if 50% but you were being influenced by earlier times, it’s a good idea to do some attachment healing and it mitigates so much unnecessary suffering. And I have other clients or friends that had fractures in their family life and there’s a lot of volatility and there’s abuse happening and then they it’s even hard to report abuse right now because you don’t even have privacy to call in for help your abuser standing behind you. Sometimes I think dissociation personally can happen whether you’re too activated in a sympathetic way. There’s several of them, I could rattle off right now, but just depending on where you want to go with the interview, I think that’s really helpful. Diane Poole Heller is a licensed therapist and noted expert in trauma, integrative healing, and secure attachment. Sheet Music. I’m going to interrupt for just a second. Just go to email.psychiatryinstitute.com and you can leave your email address there. And I have them do that timing on their own. So, it is when you hear that a lot of times people then move towards separation. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint. Probably the best Podcast on relationship, and among the most valuable podcasts on any topic, Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin, is deeply educational and a wonderful resource for couples. Yeah, yeah. Dr. Diane Poole Heller 49:23 Well, two different things are going on. So, it’s just I think partly influenced by the research we have, and I think we are with so many things with gender identity and working with these really important areas, we’re learning and evolving in new directions. But I’m hoping that as we shine a light, the pandemic kind of intensifies the focus on some of our social inequities. And even in that group, it’s hard to come up with like, how do we integrate this into a model? Thanks for having me. But it is a unique challenge. I think 2D, thank goodness we have the internet and zoom, is a good thing. [32:00], Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00], The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00], Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00], Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00], Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00], Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00], Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00], Diane’s Jem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]. In order to be like a healthy functioning human being is this important thing to achieve in a person’s life to try and actually feel well and yourself? But you’re trying to help people understand that these are biological, physiological systems that we have, and that very often, especially with attachment, a lot of times our early relational template got formed when we were infants in utero and very early. – Page 5 of 5 Find the Francesca Maximé podcast right here! So, I’m just trying as much as I can, unfortunately, like you, you have the podcast platform, and I have my teaching online. And if you want to send us your email, so we can send you really valuable information in the ongoing manner around optimal mental health. If someone is not very available, and it might push you into being somewhat ambivalent, and then having a lot of anxiety about the lack of availability, but for somebody else, they might understand that and it might not be an issue at all. Those issues are really the result of YOUR past, YOUR triggers and YOUR perspective...So says long-time Boulder, Colorado therapist & expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, Dr. Diane Poole Heller. all your senses were like in attraction mode. So, it might be like a minute or two. So, I started to really hone in on what’s happening relationally you know, and how do we bring our ability to connect to ourselves and connect other people back then I got really maniacally focused on attachment theory. Hello, everyone. When I talked to some of my colleagues that really specialize in couplesâ work. Same thing in medicine. We also like rage outbursts that just cycle or get triggered easily, be part of really working with a fight response to evoke it and initiate it and complete it in a session helps with that as one way and certainly dissociation and fragmentation and all of that is part of the situation too. Page 2 of 44 2 Intensive Training in Trauma Resolution Presented by Diane Poole, Ph.D. An Overview Through this 28 hour presentation we discover that, when integrated and metabolized, suffering can actually serve us, … And that’s the greatest way we can, together as a community right now be sharing information. But this is great if we didn’t have this, the combination of all the things we do that physiologically we were designed to have in play to help us feel safe and regulate like, contact with safe others that people we trust, but we feel safe around in the field with them. Podcasts. And so, in therapy, we then have to teach them by giving them exercises around co regulation to bring that function back because otherwise, they’re way more comfortable by themselves, and they miss the yumminess and the nourishment of a good relationship. Something interesting popped in my brain. But they didn’t have therapy as a resource, really, culturally, at least the United States wasn’t a normal thing to go to therapy. And then of course, they can be relevant at other times too. We’re trying to really create a lot of resources and I don’t have a focus on just my work. But sometimes people find your voice intrusive, so I might not use my voice. And he went from being a drug dealer to a CEO of a software company over the treatment course. And these indicate different attachment-insecure attachment styles. And then I look away, and I look away, I might still talk to them as I’m looking away, but I’m tracking their reactions to my looking away. And I also, you’re speaking to my passion, so I’m really amplifying this one, but I do feel like there’s reasons to do that. Well, maybe just tell them what you’re up to right now what you want to highlight for them. I mean, they do things much more tribally, one of the young women that was there, and I just love her. And then the fourth one is really tough. Or also if you’re shut down in an over activated parasympathetic reaction or like Steven Porges would call that the dorsal vagal response, and I love his work too. Therapy looks really different. And then also what’s happening with the attachment situation, what’s happening in the relational field even as the therapist working with the client, how are they presenting? Sometimes it’s called disoriented. Having trouble navigating your relationships with others and healing from traumas in your life? My parents, I’m 66. I feel this like my heart stays open. There’s so much going on right now in the world. She’s really delved deep into attachment science and of course, trauma. And I guess the question here is being an attachment expert, and you’ve just delved so deep into it, right? So, I even have exercises I give to clients that involve the attachment system called looking away, looking at and looking away. I have a platform that I can also share it in a bigger way like we’re doing right now. I mean, there always is, but there’s a lot going on right now. And they didn’t even really have that classification in the beginning. And then I spent about two years looking for somebody to do deep trauma work with and I found just little pockets of information that were helpful but not anything really coherent that I really felt was working for me. There’s a lot of trauma that these guys go through too, but they have not had any incidents of unwarranted police brutality or anything. We had Asian people there. How can we help our clients who are suffering from this cope and how does that affect a coupleâs relationship struggling with trauma? She has lectured and taught around the world as both a Somatic Experiencing trainer and Special Topics presenter most recently with her very popular, dare dynamic attachment repatterning experience series on Adult attachment. How big that. From our earliest years, teaches Diane Poole Heller, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our intimate relationships, with our children, and at work. Very different, right than what we would think of as therapy but that was therapy way more than like sitting with one person. Sometimes separation needs to happen. Appears in playlists Francesca Maximé: ReRooted & WiseGirl podcasts by Francesca Maximé: #ReRooted on BHNN & #WiseGirl published on 2018-11-30T20:25:32Z Francesca Maximé: the ReRooted podcast on the Be Here Now … And sometimes they say things like, oh, you’re still there. They were doing these unusual things. Think about that. We have some hot spots and they’re heightened. I think our attachment system and I talked to Stephen Porges about this, and he agrees it’s a great way of 2D. I think there’s ignorance about it. They were making birch tree canoes and birch tree different things and things to hold the babies and she said that when she brought the tribe together, and her parents came and she came and they did this kind of art workshop, doing all the original indigenous activities, people just flourish, they were so filled with joy, and that was a deep healing experience. I mean, as if I could leave, right, but their attachment system is giving them that fear. And we skip to separation, we move to that direction sometimes I think too fast. That’s a big story. And so, the wife would say, Well, I’m busy cooking, and I’m trying to help the kids with their homework and I’m feeding the dog and he comes in and I pick up the garbage. life right now is being able to have those conversations and learn more and expand. But I think the opportunities that could happen I know I’m doing this personally. And he started at 13 when his brother died in the fire and the house burned down, and he was still 13. Finally, Diane shares a visualization practice for disidentifying from generational trauma and strategies for increasing our innate connection to others. And even in that group, it’s hard to come up with like, how do we integrate this into a model? Can you talk more about the overlap between attachment injuries and what we call complex trauma? But attachment systems have been mostly referred to and researched dyadic Lee, and actually, we need to understand that a lot of the attachment research was done in the 50s. We’ll be heading deep into conversation around the negative impacts that attachment injuries bring and why it goes hand in hand with trauma, and a whole lot more. To learn more about Dr. Diane Poole Heller: ● www.dianepooleheller.com/diane-poole-heller/ ● https://www.facebook.com/SomaticTrainings/?ref=t ● https://www.linkedin.com/in/diane-p-heller-5a1288a2/ ● https://www.youtube.com/user/DianePooleHeller, Free Attachment Quiz with ebook on Attachment on website: https://dianepooleheller.com/. And I was sitting at a retreat center there 190 acres and I was like only one of three people there. How do you come back from work and come together in a full body co regulation thing? Because with zoom, and this is going back to what you said a few minutes ago, there’s this exercise if you look away, and it reminds me of the early attachment research situations, and watch these videos of the still face experiment, right, and the mom just looking and then the distress of the infant, and then how the infant tries to engage the mom and to be able to actually use the situation of zoom as an opportunity. So, I often get invited to keynote or to present at conferences. So when you come back together from a separation, to really emphasize coming together, and doing not a triangle hug, doing a full bodied chest and belly with your intimate partner right, or full belly hug, and that you stay in that hug until you feel each other’s body regulate the other body so you start to feel physiologically regulated. And then we track what their reactions are. Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D., is an established expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. So, I think it’s obviously an individual choice. I mean, because different people stimulate different attachment reactions. She was saying that she wasn’t sure about how it would work with polyamory in the beginning, either but when she’s been working with polyamorous couples, she said, it’s really interesting, the ones that are working, they have such a high level of commitment and also conversation and they have this way of articulating and working through really complex issues, that she was quite impressed by their capacity. Well, two different things are going on. So why is the relationship and sense of safety so important? I’m sure you did. I’m having enough trouble just managing one other person. She is available for workshops, speaking engagements and private phone consultations. The next one coming up is intergenerational trauma, which I’m really passionate about and I’ve had so many experiences of people having things come into the session that doesn’t belong to their life but did belong to to an ancestor and how to work it through their body to help free the ancestor but also free them from that intergenerational trauma. Diane Poole Heller’s Attachment Styles Test. So, people could say he took it, it’s just helpful to get an idea of like, what, okay, this might be coming from me. I mean, I think that was a good answer for now. Or is there something really going on here that this isn’t the right person, right? I think I use that as well, because I think people like really understanding what their needs are, and addressing them in a non-demanding way is helpful. Show The Relationship School Podcast, Ep SC 204 - The 4 Attachment Styles & Not Taking Things Personally - Diane Poole Heller - Jul 11, 2018 In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Diane about the different attachment styles that we pick up in childhood and carry subconsciously into our adult behaviors. But I don’t know that answer. That healing is possible and attachment as well as trauma has so many untapped advantages that we can move from our history into our present in a very different way. Or you’re not flooding somebody with words that they’re so lost in the flurry of words, the tsunami of words that they can’t really find. But we have the benefit and this generation, these generations, we’re now to really take all this knowledge and use it in a way that can be incredibly healing. So, it was kind of a double whammy in a wayâ, Understanding Attachment Injuries – 06:40 So, it is a very individual decision. I just noticed that some kids didn’t fit in avoidant or ambivalent, and they had a lot more PTSD type symptoms, like they approach a parent to reunite and they’d stop in the middle of the space and then just fall over or they would start going around in circles or they would run up to their parent and hit him in the face, like a flight response. And then that sort of blocks the attachment system from organizing or connecting, especially if what was the parent that was scary or too chaotic or maybe not present due to an addiction, but there was a lot of chaos in the household or certainly sexual or verbal or emotional or physical abuse falls in that category. Okay. In that way, I’m protective of them. And if you want to learn anything about attachment, she’s one of the people to go learn from. But back to attachment. We have the opportunity and the knowledge Right now, I mean, our parents didn’t have this knowledge. 9 of The Best Podcast Episodes for Diane Poole Heller. It’s only $67 a month for like four to five hours of new content every month that you can pick and choose what you want. So I’m probably a generation ahead of you. So if you can kind of put the dogs and the cooking, turn the stove off, or, you know, let the kids find a landing space and when you know he’s coming or you hear him come up the steps or whatever, drop everything and then meet him and then when he comes in he’s not immediately going to check his phone or take out the garbage. Trauma and Attachment Model Expert, Therapist, Author, Trainer. So, I do this in general. One of them. I haven’t had enough exposure to it to know that it just from the get go works really well. But then even in the midst of working so deeply with the nervous system and physiology of trauma as well as the impact of emotional stuff and cognitive stuff. And then this not taking it so personally mitigates so much of the other stuff. 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